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T&L Wheelock Racing
USA
0 Posts |
 Posted - 06/17/2004 : 11:08:47 PM
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A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud
pounding on the door........ The man gets up and goes to the door where
a drunken
stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "It is three o'clock in the
morning." He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help
him?" she asks.
"No. I did not. It is three o'clock in the morning and it is pouring
rain outside!!."
His wife said, "Can't you remember about three months ago
when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should
help him,
and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told (of course!), gets dressed and goes out
into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello! Are you
still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes! Please!" comes the reply from the darkness.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing!!" replies the drunk.
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Now we're talkin!!
Pfizer Corp is making the announcement today that VIAGRA will soon be available
in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use "as is", or as a mixer. Pepsi's proposed ad campaign claims: "It will now be possible for a man to literally
pour himself a stiff one."
Obviously we can no longer call this a "soft drink."
This additive gives new
meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old fashioned stiff drink.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of "Mount And Do."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------New Mint Flavored
Birth Control Pill
The Cadbury's Candy Co.
and Merck Drug Co.
Have combined to market
the new Mint flavored
birth control pill
that women may take
immediately before sex.
The Pill will be distributed by
the large major drug store chains
and Wal-Mart's Pharmacies.
They're going to be called....
"Pre-dick-a-mints."
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
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2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
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4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
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5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
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6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
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8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
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9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
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10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
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11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
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14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
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15 What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their final exam.
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17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?
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18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
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20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't ! zigzag?
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22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
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23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
 So Cal Pitbox Rocks
 BFG Rules
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