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Drafters
USA
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 Posted - 12/23/2004 : 09:48:34 AM
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This goes to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.
The Restroom Door Said "Gentlemen", so I just walked inside.
I took two steps and realized I'd been taken for a ride
I heard high voices, turned, and found the place was occupied
by two nuns, three old ladies, and a nurse -- what could be worse
Than two nuns, three old ladies, and a nurse
The Restroom Door Said "Gentlemen", it must have been a gag
As soon as I walked in there, I ran into some old hag
She sprayed me with a can of mace and slapped me with her bag
I could tell this just wouldn't be my day, what can I say
This just wasn't turning out to be my day
The Restroom Door Said "Gentlemen", and I would like to find
the crummy little creep who had the nerve to switch the signs
'cause I've got two black eyes and one high heel up my behind
Now I can't sit with comfort and joy -- boy o boy
No, I'll never sit with comfort and joy
BFG <> The Great Northwest |
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Drafters
USA
0 Posts |
Posted - 12/23/2004 : 10:05:21 AM
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Not a Christmas song. Goes to the tune of What If God Was One Of Us.
If God had long hair, and a goatee.
And if his eyes looked pretty glazed.
If he looked spaced out.
Would you buy his story?
Would you believe he had an eye infection?
And yeah, yeah, God looks baked.
Yeah, yeah, God smells good.
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
What if God smoked cannibis?
Hit the bong like some of us?
Drove a tye-dyed micro-bus?
And he subscribes to Rolling Stone?
When God made this place, in the begining.
Did he plant any seeds?
Or did he put them there for Adam and Eve,
so they'd be hungry for the apple that the snake was always offering?
And yeah, yeah, God rolls great.
Yeah, yeah, God smells good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What if God smoked cannibis?
Do you suppose he'd drive a bus?
When he made the platapus
When he created earth our home
Does he like Pearl Jam or the Stones?
Do you think he rolls his own?
Up there in Heaven on the throne.
And when the saints go marching home,
Maybe he sits and smokes a bong....
BFG <> The Great Northwest |
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Drafters
USA
0 Posts |
Posted - 12/23/2004 : 10:11:08 AM
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It’s the most fattening time of the year
With that pumpkin pie filling
and everyone swilling down eggnog and beer
It’s the most fattening time of the year
It’s the lip smackingest season of all
while your shopping you’re cheating
impulsively eating that junk at the mall
It’s the heav-heaviest season of all
There’ll be turkeys for basting
and stuffing for tasting
and giblets and gravy will flow
there’ll be cookies that mom baked
and leftover fruit cake from a christmas a long time ago
it’s the scale flattening time of the year
while your diet you’re blowing
there’s calories going straight down to your rear
it’s the scale flattening time of the year
there’ll be after meal dosing
and arteries closing
cholesterol levels will grow
it’s too cold to go jogging
to brisk for tobogganing
so pass me a hot buttered roll
It’s the most fattening time of the year
All those gingerbread shingles and
chocolate Chris Kringle’s will tremble in fear
It’s the most fattening time,
it’s the belt loosening time,
it’s the most fattening time of the year
BFG <> The Great Northwest |
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Fractured Christmas Tunes
