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T&L Wheelock Racing
USA
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 Posted - 05/06/2006 : 08:51:05 AM
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Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "Pocket Taser" for their anniversary.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.
The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety. . . .WAY TO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy. Thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple a batteries, . . . right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this darn thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries thinking to myself, "no possible way! "What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. . . I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. . . I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is not such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violet thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-...that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there ??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
Still in shock, Tommy. |
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hooligans
UNITED STATES
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Posted - 05/06/2006 : 09:44:11 AM
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Now thats hillarious,Really Freakin funny!! |
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FOUR WHEELED LIGHTNING
U.S.A.
0 Posts |
Posted - 05/06/2006 : 09:52:04 AM
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ZZZZZZZZZZAAAPP,GLAD YOU GOT A CHARGE OUT OF LIFE!!!!!!!!
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Fred & Barney
USA
0 Posts |
Posted - 05/06/2006 : 10:02:55 AM
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Hilarious
Right Coast Racers
 Spook Inc. ® |
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Val
USA
0 Posts |
Posted - 05/06/2006 : 10:41:37 AM
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LMAO Good one Wheels!!
Spook Inc. ® |
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Drafters
USA
0 Posts |
Posted - 05/06/2006 : 10:50:28 AM
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That was really good but I think what Wheelie meant to say was....
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Lori....
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy. Thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple a batteries, . . . right? There I sat in my recliner, my sheep Gracie looking on intently...... |
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Tuner Racing
Canada
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Posted - 05/06/2006 : 10:51:28 AM
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Good One Wheels, but I do have the answer to the Testicales deal....................It takes some set to try something like that so the disapearance of them is because they were offered up to do the self testing............and after the test they are now smaller then 2 peas!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuner
POF PIT BOX~~~~JUST FOR SHEER ENJOYMENTPOF Gaming Inc. ™
MIDWEST FANS---RCR---Martin Maniacs---Cutie Pie---Tony's Smokehouse---Junior Rocks
*********Flippin Over #99*********---HAMLIN'S HAMLET---
JOHNSONS~~~~~~BEVERS DEN~~~~~~ Home of OöO Multiple O's OöO™
http://www.1-2-free-forums.com/mf/?mforum=chevy57
In Memory of SPEED, CAL & PEGGY "Godspeed Wayne, Cal & Peggy" |
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Axis Of Evil
USA
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Posted - 05/06/2006 : 1:28:08 PM
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Any chance you were with the two guys that got electrocuted at Talladega? That act sounds about as smart as they were.
As you undoubtably now know, any source of electricity, no matter how small, can be stepped-up to very high voltages and have devestating effects on the body. If I threw a tiny little bullet at you it would hardly hurt. It's so small and has relatively little force. Now let me shoot it at you with a rifle. Any takers?
I am curious to know what you thought when you read 100,000 volts in the paperwork of the taser. Doesn't that number seem a little high?...lol! Lucky for you that to achieve such a high voltage the current flow is very small or you could have killed yourself. Like the example of the bullet, something very small propelled with tremendous force is nothing to mess around with. Just ask your testicals!...lol!
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Drafters
USA
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Posted - 05/06/2006 : 1:58:58 PM
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| Axis, that reminds me of the time an engineer asked me to hook up his experimental circuit and run some tests on it. I had done some other tests on it before so I took the same box with the 1:1 isolation transformer in it out of a drawer, hooked it up and turned on the power. Everything worked fine for about 5 seconds but what I had not noticed is someone had put the wrong transformer in the box so instead of a 1:1 transformer I had hooked up a 1:10 transformer and was powering the circuit with 1200 volts instead of 120. It blew up in my face and some of the parts went straight up and embedded themselves in the ceiling. |
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Axis Of Evil
USA
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Posted - 05/06/2006 : 3:25:06 PM
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No overload or overcurrent protection in that circuit I would gather? They call it "protection" for a reason...lol! Just ask the ceiling you butchered as well as T&L's testicals...lol. Of course you were wearing the proper PPE, right? (safety glasses, sleeves, etc.) I've seen guys get blown up taking electricity and procedures for granted. Electrical burns are beyond nasty. Flying debris is nasty. It's usually the fall that kills electricians, after they have been incapacitated, that is if there is anything left other than their boots.
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Hoot Racin
USA
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Posted - 05/06/2006 : 4:18:45 PM
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That was a good one Wheels!
DuPont Machine 24
 Bever's Den
º° °º MULTIPLE O's º°°º |
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Drafters
USA
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Posted - 05/06/2006 : 4:33:54 PM
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Since it was an experimental circuit we didn't have any protection on it. Luckily I was just starting to bend over it to hook some probes up when it blew so everything missed me. After that my dept. loaned me out to the energy R&D dept. were I built a titanium/platinum thermocouple to measure the core temperature of a nuclear reactor but it didn't blow up.
This reminds me that somewhere in my house I have an experimental circuit I started building about 9 years ago. It projects a focused 12hz signal that would disprupt brain activity. I was planning on using it to mess with the drug gang that broke into my house back then but then I decided it woould be easier to have my biker friend Larry spread word throughout the biker community that these guys were narcs. |
Edited by - Drafters on 05/06/2006 4:35:06 PM |
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SpeedBump
USA
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Posted - 05/07/2006 : 07:09:49 AM
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Funny stuff Ted....
AoE....how comes youse guys up in Neew Yarc don't want a race track up there. |
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not good....lol
